By embodying the imaginary attribute “adorkable” on her Fox sitcom The New Girl, Zooey Deschanel struck a mainstream blow for the dorks, the dweebs, the nerds, the geeks, and the spazzes. She took a dubious personality trait and turned it into an asset.
This trend shouldn’t end with Sweet Zooey D, though. Next season’s Fox lineup should feature even more negative characteristics in a positive light. Here are some suggestions for potential comedies, dramas, and reality programs that will help the public rethink personality flaws as charming quirks through the power of combined words.
Title: Sad to the Bone
Tag Line: When it comes to depression, she’s the depresident!
Description: Aubrey Plaza pays Deana, a recent college graduate with zero job prospects and dwindling motivation. She spends most of her days watching Roseanne on Hulu and assuring her overbearing mother that she is indeed applying for work. Deana eats blocks of cheese like apples. Her cats make her sneeze. Even her best friends have trouble dragging her out of bed, and when they do, she’s such a bummer that they wonder whether it was even worth it. When Deana rolls her eyes, though… ZING! Look out, world!
Title: Hometown Zero
Tag Line: He’s back, and he’s a promiscutey!
Description: Paul Schanck was a gawky teen. Now he’s all grown up and back in his hometown for his father’s funeral. Paul doesn’t intend to stick around for long, but now that he’s come into his own as a ruggedly handsome man (played by Jon Hamm), he reconnects with several of his old classmates. In fact, when he initiates a series of extramarital affairs with all the former cheerleaders who snubbed him in his youth, he breaks up several marriages and families. Uh oh! Did someone say drama? Can Paul settle his father’s crushing credit card debt before the angry husbands catch up to him? Will he curtail his sad, empty sex rampage and pick back up with Marla, his high school flame? Hilarity ensues as we watch him try!
Title: Men of a Certain Face
Tag Line: Homely’s where the heart is!
Description: Steve Buscemi and Phillip Seymour Hoffman play two investment bankers put out of work by the stock market crash of 2008. Instead of nestling themselves gently in the folds of their golden parachutes, they decide to use their millions of dollars for good. They open an orphanage in Manhattan’s swanky Tribeca neighborhood, and despite the initial prejudices against a pair of weary-looking middle aged men with no childcare experience taking charge of a house full of children, they manage to foster a cozy and supportive environment for their tenants.
Title: Lurking for Love
Tag Line: A woman with the stalkourage to get what she wants!
Description: Meg Hammett (Judy Greer) is a career woman with no time to date. Ain’t it always the way? But she’s not going to let her work as a high profile marketing consultant bog down her personal life. At home, like in business, Meg sets her sights on something and gets it. Instead of slogging through the San Francisco bar scene, she finds a man who interests her and goes after him by any means necessary. Meg hides in shrubs, roots through trash, and murders pets until the man of her dreams comes around…or at the very least, comes to. Will she find romance, or will loneliness be the (restraining) order of the day?
Title: Jack and Jim
Tag Line: When these two get together, it’s alcoholarious!
Description: John Ramirez and James White are two college best friends who open a bar together in downtown Madison. Their enthusiasm coupled with their lack of business acumen leads them to fritter their venture capital away within months. John borrows money from his father, who owns a string of auto body shops in Milwaukee. When that runs dry, the two commence a series of drinking binges that alienate their families and friends. “Jack and Jim” (named after their beverages of choice) spend more and more time at the bar, cutting back on staff and drinking themselves to financial ruin and physical collapse. Will they pull through, or will they literally die? Probably the latter. Probably.
Title: A Fire Inside
Tag Line: America’s favorite ar-fun-ist!
Description: Dale Christie (Robert Pattinson) is a former college basketball star who loses his scholarship after he injures his knee. To make tuition money and finish school, he and his wacky gang of friends burn down their house and use the insurance money to pay their way through senior year. But what do you think happens then? They get totally hooked on burning buildings down! Libraries. Schoolhouses. Whatever. It’s all fun and games until Dale falls for Lucy Waterston (Kirsten Dunst), the local fire captain’s daughter. It’s a hilarious balancing act, as Dale attempts to satisfy his maddening desire to destroy private property in a breathtaking conflagration, and his love for poor, sweet Lucy.
